You do realize that middle school teachers have special “messing with their heads” training? (Just like most parents of teens and preteens.) Seriously, do you know how certifiable we have to be to agree to teach middle schoolers? These are the kids who as sixth graders get their hormones for Christmas! They don’t have a clue how to deal with them, and it comes out in a mixture of silliness, frustration, first loves, a few tears, and a bit of rebellion. It takes until somewhere in the middle of their eighth grade year to figure it all out. By then, they have developed a bit of middle school senioritis. Just when you think they are becoming human again, they decide they are completely done with middle school (even if it is still April). To survive all of this as teachers, we have to be a bit crazy ourselves. You question this? Just go to a street corner and ask random strangers if they would like to teach middle school for a week. I bet you would get several “Are you crazy?“ responses. I like this saying: “I’m not suffering from insanity … I’m enjoying it!” By the way, I do love my job.
So, how do we have some fun with our students? It’s nothing major and nothing that is going to scar anyone for life! I’ll give you a few examples, and don’t worry -- most of my students still like me (and math) at the end of the school year. I sure hope writing this doesn’t come back to haunt me someday, though.
“Did you get a haircut?” -- This is always repeated a million times the day after I get my hair trimmed. I usually reply, “Yep. In fact, I got them ALL cut.” (Ok, think about it…) My favorite reply, though, is to tell the students that I did not get a hair cut; I changed wigs! Immediately after saying that I put my hand on top of my head and move my hair -- it actually looks like I am moving a wig back and forth. Every time at least ONE student falls for that! (Especially the 6th graders.)
Day after Super Bowl news -- I love football, and I love seeing the competitiveness in some of my students. A few weeks ago, the Packers beat my son’s favorite team, the Steelers in Super Bowl XLV. The next morning, several of my students wore their Packers jerseys to school. Each class period I found a quiet time where I very thoughtfully and seriously asked my students if they had heard the news yet. “What news?” they asked. (It’s very easy to get them interested immediately.) I proceeded to tell them that over night the Super Bowl officials had discovered major rule violations by the Packers. This meant that the Packers had to give up the trophy and their title -- officially the Steelers were the Super Bowl winners after all! The response was immediate! The Packer fans were horrified and my Steelers fans were cheering! Of course at that moment a sly grin would appear on my face. “Oh, Mrs., you are just joking, aren’t you??” Yep!! Sighs of relief from my Packers students were quite loud to be honest! One gal said, “Oh my gosh, I thought I was going to have to pay back the money I won from my friend!” Hmmmm.
“Who Farted?” -- Okay, I really don’t like that word (which is why I use the word “Fluff”), but that is the word my students would use when I taught sixth grade in California. The poor flatulent children -- they could be teased mercilessly! Therefore, whenever I heard that phrase, I would pipe up, “I did it!” The students knew I had not been the smelly one, but they laughed at my statement and let the matter drop. (Hopefully there is a child or two out there who is still eternally grateful to me for taking the heat!) With that said, I do have a confession. One particular year, I had troubles during my first period class with my own fluffing. I don’t know why -- maybe it was something I was eating for breakfast. I taught reading first period and did a lot of walking around my room while the students took turns reading the story out loud. Thankfully (for me) my episodes were silent. Unfortunately the following statement could be true -- silent, but deadly. As I walked around the room, the urge would suddenly overtake me and I would fluff (silently). Because I was constantly moving, I was usually on the total opposite side of the room before a student or two would smell my after-fluff. “Eww, who farted?” would be the next thing we would hear. “I did it!” I would say! The kids would laugh and we would go on --- they never knew that this time I actually was telling the truth!! (By the way, if any of my present or future students are reading this, I do NOT have first period fluffing issues anymore! In fact, that was 20 years ago. Now, just don‘t talk to my friends about a recent Best Buy adventure…. Ha!)
“There’s a Mouse!” -- Four years ago, my first teaching job in my current city had me teaching math in an old Home Ec room. That was an interesting adventure. Surrounding us were sinks, countertops, and stoves. I was smart enough to turn off all of the water and gas before inviting students into my new room. Along one side of the room were a couple washers and dryers. One afternoon while I was going over some sort of math concept, a girl in my class started to panic and almost ended up on top of her table. When I asked what was wrong, she said that she thought she saw a mouse run behind the washer and dryer. To be honest, I didn’t think she really saw what she thought she saw, but I went to check. As I peered behind the machines, I saw nothing. That isn’t how I reacted though. Instead (messing with their minds), I grabbed both machines and shook them loudly as I screamed! “Ahhhhhhh!!” A few of them screamed back and more than just a few were now standing on top of their chairs. I turned around and just laughed. I told them that I didn’t see anything and that there probably was no mouse. They groaned (a few laughed) and they settled back into their seats. The original girl was not done, though. As I started walking back to the front of the room, she yelled out, “There he is!!” I must have jumped at least three feet into the air!! (Quite a feat for someone my size.) Oh the belly laughs that came from that girl -- “Just kidding!” she said. She got me back good! …. and I deserved it!
