Swimsuit Shopping

Saturday I spent several hours going to 2 malls and 14 stores in attempts to find a swimsuit. I must have tried on at least 2-3 dozen suits. Oh my! If you want a big hit to your ego, go try on a ton of swimsuits! Ok, if you are a size 2, you probably enjoy this venture. In fact, you are the one who has to go into the main area and look at the “big” mirror where everyone else can marvel at your ability to make every swimsuit look wonderful! (grin) What was a bit funny was the fact that I was wearing my winter jacket as I was perusing the swimsuit displays. In fact, in one store the swimsuits were amongst the winter coats!

I understand the obvious question now is WHY would I be swimsuit shopping in the middle of January?? It is basically because I am afraid I might get kicked out of the YMCA if I don’t. My choice for exercise is swimming. I love to swim, and I can swim a mile or so in about an hour. I’ve decided that if I like something and it takes off pounds, then it is a very good thing! (Too bad chocolate doesn’t take off pounds!! There’d be a ton more skinny women walking around!) With my swimming, I have used my suit so much that it is getting pretty thin and loose. The loose part isn’t too bad yet. I push off the wall to swim a lap, and the top of my suit wants to start traveling down towards my belly button. So far I have kept it up to a modest level. It is the back end of my suit that has me worried. The color has almost completely faded right in the seat! I asked my daughter if she could see my bottom through my seat. She said maybe and then offered to take a picture of my back end so that I could see. I passed on that one! Ha. The last time I had the suit on, though, I felt a breeze back there. Hmmm. It would be pretty embarrassing if a Y staff member had to ask me to leave the pool because I was mooning the other guests!

Two totally different swimsuits are available for women -- the “don’t I look so pretty sitting on the edge of the pool” suit and the “I can swim laps without accidentally flashing anyone” suit. I was looking for the second choice while most of the stores if they did carry suits only had the “looking pretty” styles. Well, I needed one of those too, so I tried on every style that came in my size. My first stop was a sporting goods store. The biggest size they carried was a good 3 sizes smaller than me. Come on folks! Big girls need to exercise just as much (if not more) than the petite gal! I had the bright idea to call one of the fitness centers in Fort Wayne to see if they knew who sold Speedo-type swimsuits. “We do.” was the reply. I asked her if she had my size, and when I found out that she did, I drove straight there with a ton of excitement that maybe my search would be a short one. That excitement was short-lived. The size that I should be in was in a style that maybe wasn’t so good for swimming. The true swimming suits were a size lower than my size. That didn’t keep me from trying them on, though. (It should have, but it didn’t!) I grabbed a couple styles and made my way to the locker room to try them on. Who knows -- maybe I was a size lower!! Now women, I have to give you a little advice at this point. Are you familiar with those Speedo suits that have a keyhole in back? I used to wear those all the time when I was young and skinny.  Well, if you are even the least bit well-endowed in your middle section, do NOT put one of these suits on -- especially if the suit is a size lower than you should be shoving your body into! I’m not saying that this happened to me….. but…. the keyhole type of swimsuit does a wonderful job showcasing any bulges that might be found back there. When you take a look at yourself in the mirror and then sneak a peek at what you look like from the back, be careful -- you might cry in horror as you see a sideways butt crack staring back at you from the keyhole! Oh girls, if you have those “why do I still have them” love handles, I’m sure you can totally picture this!! Not that it happened to me…. but that suit came off of me very quickly!! The second suit I tried on was a much better style, but it was still too tight. In fact, when it came time to take it off, I couldn’t figure out how to do it! Because this was a fitness center locker room, I was in the middle of one large area where more than one person was changing. I started to panic a bit as I couldn’t get my arms out of the suit! Who was I going to ask to help me if I couldn’t do it?? Imagine if you were the one asked to de-clothe another woman in the locker room?? Panic!! Thankfully I did get it off, and I chose to ignore that maybe (just maybe) I heard a tiny ripping sound!

The rest of the stores were not that much better. Suit after suit went on and then came off. I was glad to see that the rest of the ones I tried on came off a ton easier than the one in the locker room. None of the suits were lap-worthy. In fact, some of the swimsuits had a neckline that dove past any cleavage I might have. Uh….not going to work at the Y unless I am fishing for dates in that pool!

A few days earlier my children suggested that I go to Goodwill to see if they had any swimsuits my size. “Ewww,” I said. I don’t know -- that’d almost be like sharing underwear. I got to tell you, though, that after 14 stores and no luck whatsoever, I did call Goodwill to see if they had any swimsuits. “Very few,” was the answer, and I decided not to go and face my fear of used swimsuits! When the evening was over, I did have in my possession one (brand new) “look nice” suit but no “let’s swim some laps” suit.

Late that night I was on the phone with my good friend, and she convinced me to check out eBay. In my mind, that is almost as scary as Goodwill. (Gosh, no offense to anyone who works for Goodwill, by the way.) She and I searched eBay together and I found a suit that was the style I wanted and in my size. I bought it! (And no, it is not used!) We’ll see. It should be here in the next couple days. It scares me to buy a swimsuit that I have never tried on since the thousand that I did try on last Saturday didn’t work. Guess it will be interesting to see how it fits. I do have a 7-day return option. Here’s hoping someone else hasn’t used that return option before me! It’ll be nice, though, to get back to the Y and not worry about being “family friendly” enough for the pool. Wish me good luck!

Jen and her Resolutions -- Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!

2011 is going to be a great year of new beginnings, second chances, dreams realized, and definitely a lot of laughter! (Or at least I hope so!) I was at the store the other day and should have purchased the plaque I saw:

Live Well. Love Much. Laugh Often.

To be honest, I may go back and get it! I think it needs to hang somewhere in my home -- maybe near my plaque that says “Laundry today or Naked tomorrow.” Ha! I do need another plaque, too:  Fall less. Dance much. Keep my mouth shut more often. (grin) If you just laughed, you either believe that I need all of those or you are in line to get that same plaque for yourself!

It’s time for those New Year’s Resolutions!! Last year I said I wanted to exercise more -- “2010 is the year for Jen!” (grin) Cheesy slogan, but it made me laugh. So what is my slogan this year? Not sure. I said out loud before thinking, “2011 is the year for heaven!” OH! Ok, not that I plan to DIE this year! Another -- “2011 is the year for Kevin!” Nope, as far as I know, I don’t know anyone named Kevin other than my brother. He can use that slogan, but this is supposed to be all about me! HA! (You do know that my tongue is completely in my cheek, right?) I’m vacationing at my friends’ home, and I just asked them what rhymes with eleven. The resulting conversation was much more fun than anything we are actually going to come up with as one friend was echoing the other without realizing it! Here were a few from one of my friends: “2011 and I’ll sleep till 7.” (That can still be early!) OR “2011 and I’ll lose 7” (Gosh, I hope I lose more than that!) AND “2011 and I’ll date 7.” Cool…all at the same time??? HA! Well, maybe this year doesn’t need a slogan. (grin) Although I did like this one from our conversation, “2011, on earth Jen’ll have heaven.”

I did exercise more in 2010, lost some weight thanks to that exercise, and plan to keep it up. This year I am going to have to try to cook more at home! AAAHHHHHH, say it isn’t so!! Gosh, this means that maybe I should change the batteries in my smoke alarm, get fire insurance, and maybe not hide plastic containers in my oven! Ok, so I don’t store plastics in my oven….anymore! Years ago, I had some friends who were coming over, and instead of quickly washing the large plastic containers that didn’t fit in the dishwasher, I hid them for the time in my oven. Unfortunately, I forgot they were there! Oops! Later that night I preheated the oven for the pizza I was going to bake for the children and I. When I walked into the kitchen and saw the smoke coming out of the top burners, I realized my mistake. I turned off the oven and then foolishly opened the door. Smoke poured out, rose to the ceiling and rolled around up there while I quickly ran around opening every window I could find! Of course, the smoke alarm went off. When I finally got that to stop (I think by stealing its batteries), I found the kids dancing in the family room with arms extended stirring up the smoke that was hanging from the ceiling. Argh!! That’s when I put them in the car, and we took a trip to the local fast food establishment. You’d think I’d learn from that, but I did it ONE more time! This time was more painful as I had hid my crock pot in the oven. (One less crockpot in my home after that!) My mom sent me a news article soon after about some guys who had hid illegal fireworks in their oven when the police came calling. They, too, forgot about their stash when one of them decided to preheat the oven at 2:00 in the morning. Boom!! I guess I should be glad I only melted plastic!

Cooking is not exactly my favorite sport. I can cook … a bit. And despite popular belief, I CAN boil water! (Oh my gosh, I am such a good catch, aren’t I? HA!) I just don’t know all the fast techniques that help make food tasty without requiring hours pouring over the dreaded cookbook. If I cook, I want it to be easy and fairly quick to make. With that said, though, I am tired of the high-carbohydrate Hamburger Helpers and frozen pizzas. I want good chicken, seasoned steaks, tasty pastas, and anything that makes my tummy happy and my waistline less stretched out! I also like the smell of my home after a delicious meal has been cooked in it. My favorite type of cooking with no doubt is when I am helping a Master Chef (especially if that master chef is cute to watch. Ha!) Alright, dreaming is allowed but not very helpful right now in my resolution. I need good advice on easy-to-make items that isn’t going to punch hours of my time or rob my bank account. Well-meaning friends tell me about what they do. Do I remember these? Well, I mix them up! Let’s see, I am to use vinegar in my pan before pouring the eggs for the omelet, and then mince the cranberries with the mustard….. Uh, yum??? Yep, I think these friendly ideas need to be written down -- but they better not look like a cookbook at all. (For some odd reason, I have an irrational fear of cookbooks! Ha) Therefore, I am calling for all good cooking ideas (notice I don’t call them recipes). Won’t you feel better if you help me in my quest for a smaller bottom?? (See, laugh often…..ha)

I think my other resolution will be to Drink More! Oh, I know what you are thinking! Actually I want to drink more WATER! Last night, I tried sparkling water flavored with cran-raspberry mixed with a little bourbon (it was new year’s eve). Trust me -- that was NOT a good combination! (grin) Water without the bourbon treats my insides so much better. I’d love to also start my day with a good cup of coffee instead of a diet coke. Oh dear….anyone out there know how to make coffee? (This girl needs some major intervention!)

Happy New Year Everyone!! May 2011 be your Heaven! (Ok, still cheesy.) I guess this one is better even if it isn’t my own words: Live Well. Love Much. Laugh Often.