Odd Things Happen

I am clumsy….awkward…a klutz…unwieldy…hmmm…I don’t know. I really don’t know the right term for me. I looked up the word “klutz” tonight and decided that maybe I didn’t like that definition. Here is what I found: “A clumsy or stupid person; an oaf; awkward, clumsy or socially inept.” Uhh, NO. I am not going to on purpose call myself stupid or socially inept! Ha. Therefore, I have to figure out a new term. I’m just not sure what that should be yet.

I am definitely someone who has interestingly odd things happen to her. I am not completely clumsy. In fact, in those times when you think that I am going to absolutely kill myself, I don’t do bad at all. For example, I climbed a 2-story ladder to clean out the gutters and had no problem other than getting winded climbing all of those rungs on the ladder. Another such situation happened last night. I was at a school football game, and it was raining. Right now I am on crutches due to a knee surgery on my right knee, and I have an ankle boot on my left leg because I sprained my ankle trying to do too much on my crutches. (Uh, did I mention clumsiness??) Before I left the game to go home, I wanted to say hi to a couple friends in the press box. This meant that I had to crutch up the wet metal stairs with my plastic/somewhat rubberized-bottom ankle boot. Weeeee! Can you see me flying backwards yet? Ha. I have to say that I did a fantastic job with only one wobble that had a few of the spectators gasping. I didn’t fall, although half of my friends (okay, more than half) would have expected me to do in this type of adventure. It is in the other times – those times that the rest of the world has no problems – that I have my “clumsy” moments. To help you get to know me better, I am going to write a few of these down. Honestly, they ALL did happen…to me!

One of my earliest memories of odd things happening to me was in junior high. Ha, I guess I could say that there were several things that happened in junior high. Hmm, that might be part of the reason I am a middle school teacher now. I can prove to the students that stupid things can happen to them and they can SURVIVE. (grin) I remember my first day of junior high. I was scared to death! Somehow wild rumors had arrived at my doorstep that this new school that I was going to was filled with guns and knives. I went hoping that I could be some invisible fly on the wall. I also went on my bike – with bungee cords tying my school stuff on the back rack of my bike (yes, a bit geeky I admit). As I walked through the halls of my new (very scary) school, one of my bungee cords got a bit loose from my pile of stuff. I didn’t notice until I was jerked back a couple steps and heard a very deep voice yell, “Hey!” What I saw almost made me pee my pants! My bungee cord had hooked itself in the net shirt of the biggest, baddest, meanest-looking 9th grade boy I had ever seen. I thought I was going to DIE right there in the middle of the hall in front of everyone! I didn’t know if it was going to be a gun or a knife or a complete pounding. I was never going to see my family again!! “I, uh, I, uh…” – yes, I was not exactly known for my eloquence. I guess I wasn’t worth the violence. He unhooked himself, grunted, and walked away. I survived!! (And yes, I now tell that story to my students.)

Another day when I biked to school, I didn’t make it a half mile before I had another “Jen Moment” – yes, that is what we call them these days….even when someone else has something odd happen to them, we claim that it was a “Jen Moment”. Do you remember biking when you were a kid and getting your pants caught in the chain? That happened quite often to me. (Ok, I do have to admit that I was a kid in the 1970s – those of you who were in my generation may remember the bell-bottom pants. To those of you who don’t remember them…well…let’s just say that there was a ton of extra material down there to get caught in anything.) My mom made some Velcro contraption that wrapped around my pant leg to hold all the folds of the pant leg in one tight spot. It was a bit nerdy, though; so I didn’t always use it. I worked hard at making sure my pants stayed out of the chain. What I didn’t expect was my shoe lace to get tied around the pedal joint. Oh, this was crazy. Somehow my untied shoe lace got wrapped around the place where the pedal joins the bar that it is attached to. Every rotation of the pedal tightened my shoe and foot to the pedal. I think I panicked and couldn’t figure out what to do. Before I knew it, I was completely attached. I couldn’t pedal and I couldn’t put my foot down to the ground (because it was attached to the pedal). I did the only thing that could be done – I fell with the bike landing on top of me. There was a car behind me that saw me fall, and the person stopped to help. When he saw the problem, he pulled out a knife to cut my shoe from the pedal. This was the moment that the lady across the street decided to look out her door. Think about what she saw! Here I was pinned to the ground by my bike with a car right next to me, and the driver was pulling out his knife. Ha! We explained – no, I did not get hit….no, I am not hurt (and not about to get hurt)…yes, my shoe lace tied my foot to the bike! Who does this? I have never heard of this happening to anyone else!

I had another Jen Moment today! This morning after a doctor appointment, I decided to go get some breakfast at McDonalds. Alright, that isn’t very healthy, but I decided I needed a reward for getting up that early to see the doctor. (grin) One healthy thing I chose, though, was to have Ice Tea instead of Diet Coke. (Yes, diet coke is NOT so good for you as I once thought it was.) I paid at one window and then drove to the next window for my food and drink. I got my food and then was handed my drink. Unfortunately as I was grabbing the 32-ounce Styrofoam cup, my fingers sliced right through the cup. Immediately I had at least 16 ounces of tea and ice in my lap! The guy at the window just stared at me blindly. I think he was in shock. One of his co-workers came to help and gave me 2 inches of napkins! (Seriously!) I showed her the cup and she offered to give me a new drink in one of the plastic cups. Thanks! I got my drink, continued to dry shirt, pants, door, window, and even my hair. (Ok, HOW did my hair get wet??) When I got home, I did what you might expect someone to do that would get them in trouble – I walked with my crutches and had my drink balanced on the hand bar of the crutch with it being held in place by my fingers and arm. (Yes, talented….) That I did marvelously. When I stopped, though, and grabbed the cup to put it on the table, the lid of the cup popped off and I drenched the chair and the floor. Oh bother!! I hobbled over to the napkins and came back to clean of the mess. Thankfully this time only about an eighth of the fluid flew out. I sat down, breathed a sigh of relief, and proceeded to put one packet of sweetener in my drink. (I don’t like my ice tea without some sort of sweetness.) To my dismay, the drink fizzed when I stirred in the sweetener – I did not have ice tea! I had diet coke (or regular coke…not sure at this point). Are you kidding me??? Guess what. I wanted my caffeine bad enough and had gone through quite an adventure just to get my drink, that I drank it anyway!! Yep, coke with sweetener….Yummm! (Honestly….not so yummm….but who cares at this point! Ha.)

I have never outgrown having weird and odd things happen to me! I have tons of similar stories, and I wish that someday I could get them all written down in a book. The question is this – would anyone ever read the book or would it just be good therapy for me to write them down?? Who knows? I think I will keep writing them and see what happens in the future. Cheers!

Share